Skirting the Issue

It is beyond comprehension the fact that many people will devote so much time talking about things that don't matter just to avoid talking about the one thing that does matter. In a dysfunctional family, such as my own, round and round the mulberry bush the conversation will go, with everyone catching the verbal cue and throwing it to the other in a flurry of words and information so that there is never a moment when it is even possible for the true issues and the real problems to be addressed.

Over and under, behind the back, under the table the issues at hand get ignored, distorted, converted, transfigured, rearranged -- all of this energy is expended unnecessarily when it would be just as easy to just address it already, gosh!!!

So what is the pay off, I wonder? And maybe you're wondering, too.

A friend and I were discussing this one issue and we came up with a great scenario. Imagine having a conversation with a person and in the midst of that conversation, having the person abruptly stand up, rush out of the room and change their clothes, the color of their hair. Perhaps they put on some gray, fishnet stockings and a large plume feathered purple hat. Imagine that person sitting down in the same position, crossing their legs elegantly as he/she had before and resuming the conversation with you without a care in the world, expecting that you will not in any way make reference to their change in wardrobe.

Emotionally that is what people who are determined to ignore core issues do. They do an emotional switch. I call these people Emotional Changers. During a conversation with one emotional changer I know, for example, she can go from the strong, assertive woman who has no patience for lies and distortions to the clueless damsel in distress, without missing a beat she becomes the angry I-don't-want-to-hear-it person to the nothing-matters-because-I-don't-care person and onward without haste to the Oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-you-didn't-say-something-you're-so-stupid person.

In each instance, however, as she switches back and forth and forth to back you are not supposed to make reference to the obvious discrepancies in her actions, logic and behavior. You are supposed to play along. It is no wonder that after a conversation with such a person (unless you're an Emotional Changer yourself) you are left feeling bewildered and confused. So what happens if you're an Emotional Changer?

If you're an Emotional Changer, no one will be able to tell what's going on what with the flurry of shoes, stockings and clothes flying in the air, so the quality of dialogue hardly makes a difference.