Guard your Grill - The Abusive Personality

The sole goal of a person with an Abusive Personality is to never take responsibility for anything. Now, while this might be enough to cause anyone to give someone like this a wide berth, it gets worse.

First, we must realize that a person with an Abusive Personality, (AP) possesses a highly developed sense of entitlement, a lethal shot of narcissism (if the person isn't just plain old Narcissistic) that tells the person that they can do whatever they want to whoever they want without ever having to face the consequences.

It's probably common knowledge by now that the person with AP doesn’t feel real good about themselves. Why should they?

They’re always involved in some horrible, insensitive, heinous act for which they are desperately trying to disassociate themselves. Doing tricks and flips to avoid responsibility for your actions doesn't leave much time for cultivating a real good personality that can sustain healthy relationships. This would probably explain why people like this rarely have any REAL friends.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to know then, that in addition to someone they can constantly blame for their mistakes the AP person is also looking for someone who will miraculously, at the same time, make them “feel” like a good person.

So watch out, here comes the one-two knock out punch combination. While I feign surprise at your outrageously -- and yet curiously accurate -- accusation of my latest evil deed, shockingly you’ll find me lurking around an emotional corner (the next minute, the next hour, the next day) with my hand out, looking for some praise and appreciation for even the slightest, smallest thing I’ve EVER done that could be classified as a “good deed”.

They're also looking to you to make them feel better for having misbehaved! Tell me I'm forgiven. Tell me it's all right. Tell me you don't hold anything against me, the abuser will silently cry. Hell, they can't live with themselves either.

Does this sound familiar?

What do you mean you can’t pick me up from Gary’s, didn’t I help you up from the floor this morning? -- (Yeah, after you called me a selfish bitch and knocked me down because I pointed out that I wasn't about to be late for work, which I would be if I went out of my way to drop you off at Gary’s house.)

*** I must mention, please don’t make a fuss about whether what the AP person is saying they should be appreciated for is actually the TRUTH. (You know, that incident with the car and Gary? Guess what, he or she will probably say it never happened -- at least not the way you remember it!)

The abusive person never bothers himself with something as pesky as the truth. For this person the truth is a lucid, fluid, stretchable, bendable tool that he/she can utilize to get their quick fix which are always the two big As: Their target's Approval and Attention.

So why should you be surprised to hear me say I recommend avoiding such people like the plague?

If you value your peace of mind in any way I bet you will. Not content to just be a part of your life, much like a rock, unthinking and making no contribution at all, the AP person is instead more akin to fashion themselves like the HIV virus, attaching itself to your healthy, good cells while systematically killing off your defenses.

Soon you’re weak and exposed, slowly emotionally dying. It’s no wonder why! Adding insult to injury, the AP person will suck you in (with false compliments, claims of undying love and devotion, promises to change) and spit you out again, over and over.

It’s the only way a person without a solid core sense of self can survive. By stealing yours away from you.